Yep, a professor in England thought it was imperative for humanity that there be an equation for the perfect butt.
(S+C) x (B+F)/T = V is the formula that describes the “ideal female ass” in shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry, according to psychology lecturer David Holmes of Manchester Metropolitan University in England. the rest
- See all the above numbered pics via TheChive.com Humpday
Solve for V
(S+C) x (B+F)/T = V
The factors are: S = overall shape; C = circularity or spherical buttocks; B = bounce factor; F = touch firmness; V = vertical ratio: Aim towards being slightly “pert.” (Reverse scale); T = skin texture. (Reverse scale)
Scoring the factors
OVERALL SHAPE: Which best describes your bum?
A trodden-on doughnut – 1
A pear dropped from a great height – 2
Rounded but dimpled, making it look square – 3
Big but more narrow than high – 4
A small peach shape – 5
CIRCULARITY: Which of these represents your bum?
Square as a cheese slice – 1
Like an egg is round – 2
More pear shaped – 3
Pair of pink grapefruits – 4
BOUNCE: How resilient is your bum?
Nothing can stop this badly contained jelly – 1
Wobbles for 30 seconds after one flick – 2
Cheeks don’t meet when I walk – 3
Only bounce during sex – 4
During aerobics, doesn’t even quiver – 5
Touch firmness: Which best describes your bum firmness to the touch?
Could lose a hand in here – 1
Makes a dimple if pressed – 2
Can’t press in a centimetre – 3
Latex-coated cricket ball – 4
VERTICAL RATIO: Select nearest to your ratio.
Like a traffic cone – 4
Bigger at the bottom – 3
Symmetrical both ways – 2
Like a pert pair of breasts – 1
SKIN TEXTURE: How is you bum complexion?
Cellulite, spots, orange peel — you name it! – 4
Dimpling on underside – 3
Spotty but no dimpling – 2
Like a baby’s – 1
HOW DID MY BUM SCORE?
Perfection! – 80
Reach for the beach! – 60
Exercise! Diet! Hope! – 40
Keep your clothes on! – 20
Stay indoors! – 0